Soon after I moved to Tokyo, my sister invited me out for a drink. She was going to meet up with a guy she knew from the same church at which she had met a couple of her ex-boyfriends. He was not her romantic interest but more like a little brother. He was short and skinny, cute like a dorky squirrel way. He played the drum in a band and worked at a musical instrument store in the west of Tokyo. After the night, he started to call me often to talk. I had not joined the circle then, so I welcomed a nightly phone call that ensured I still existed.
In one of the calls, he suggested I came to visit him. He lived about 45 minutes away on the train, which felt like a long journey, but I agreed as I had nothing else to do. He also invited his boss, and we drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and talked about music and films in his small but neat apartment. It got quite late, so both his boss and I decided to stay overnight. I lay in his bed with him, and his boss on the floor. We made out quietly so we didn’t wake his boss. It was my first time I fooled around with a boy. I felt a release of chemicals in my brain that fulfilled me. It wasn’t only sexual pleasure but also a sense of intimacy. I wasn’t attracted to him as a person, but his desire for me delighted me, and I craved it for that moment.
I met up with him one more time because I wanted to have sex. He didn’t look as keen as the first time and wanted to talk rather than make out. I wasn’t interested in talking, but I listened to him as intently as I could before getting him to bed. It was quite painful, and he didn’t want to force penetration. I hoped to try some other time again, but our friendship had gone amiss before that. It hurt my feelings a little as I felt rejected, but I was more disappointed about the loss of opportunity.
I believed sex must be a wonderful thing as long as both parties were willing. Why would women want it if not pleasurable? I had heard and read that it hurt initially, but it’d get better as you accumulated experiences. I hoped to get passed the initial discomfort so I could enjoy sex. I didn’t know, though, finding a willing partner was so difficult.
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