Grandmother – part 1
I went downstairs to see my grandmother one afternoon while Hana was asleep on her parents’ bed. Grandmother was watching a period drama on TV. I sat on her bed next to her and watched it with her. After a few moments, she turned to me and asked if I was going back to Europe. I told her I was going to London next. She turned back to the TV and looked pensive. Then she said, almost to herself, “I didn’t have a choice. I thought it was the only choice.” I watched her profile. She had a perpetual gentle smile of Guanyin for as long as I knew. Her eyes had shrunk to make the black look round and big. The soft flesh of her cheeks sagged ever so slightly when she said, “your grandfather was not a nice person, and his sisters were still home treating me as lower, and I…” The next moment, I heard my sister bellow, “where are you?! I thought you were watching Hana! She almost fell off of the bed!!!” And I had to leave my grandmother. I wanted to spend more time with her, but my anxiety isolated me in the house, even from my grandmother. The regret of wasting the opportunity to continue the conversation with her never ceased to pain me.