Conjugal protocol
My sister once said to me upsettingly, “You despise the marriage system,” when I showed indifference to her upcoming matrimony. She was wrong. I scorned “people” who blindly pursued conjugal protocols as an achievement of happiness.
I detested everything that surrounded marriage.
- Proposals that are almost always from a man to a woman
- Weddings that appropriated other cultures or religions
- The implication of a father giving his daughter to another man like a transfer of property
- Remote relatives who get drunk and dance/sing karaoke
- Speeches from friends/teachers/family members that are the most flattering things anyone ever said to the bride/groom
- Photo-biography of the bride and groom that have no artistic value
- Dramatically staged photos of the bride and groom that have no artistic value
- Honeymoon in a luxurious resort of a developing country
- Changing the surname to the husband’s surname
- A husband who “helps” domestic works
- Pregnancy which pains and discomfort no one talks about
- Maternity clothes that prohibit pregnant women from having a vanity
- Episiotomy that no one talks about
- A cesarean section that scars for life and itches for a long time
- A husband who “helps” raising a baby
- Parents who think their kids are genius
- In-laws
- Suburbs with no style
- Driving a wagon to a shopping mall with kids
- Gender-specific toys/clothes/TV shows
- Disneyland